Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
try to milk me bitch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
