If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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