the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
