My hand turned me down
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
