all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize