we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize