the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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