i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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