I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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