Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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