If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
