You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
