I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
