You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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