Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
