Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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