you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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