hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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