What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
