So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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