i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
