i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
