whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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