looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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