Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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