I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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