"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
