Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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