i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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