We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize