Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
