This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
