she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
