did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
