i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
