We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
