I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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