Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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