Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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