My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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