I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
