We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
