He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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