I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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