Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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