I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
