something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
