none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My vagina is very pro this idea
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
