Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
