Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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