i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drake has all the answers
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
