Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
