watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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