the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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