i just wanna soil my oats bro
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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