Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
