the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
