apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
