i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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