She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As shirtless as possible
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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