So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know her cup size but not her name....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
