ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
