So gin and wine won't be happening again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
