im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
vagina is talking i cant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
