I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
