the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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