I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
