the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
