He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize