you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
