ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
