did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize