people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Two words: nipple clamps
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