I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Found your dick twin last night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
