Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
