I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
