she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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