Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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