we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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