I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
