last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
