I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize