Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
