Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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