You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
