that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
