every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
